So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
