Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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