Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
