Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
