I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
