I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
