And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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