omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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