tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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