I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
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I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
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i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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