pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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