Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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