I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize