it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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