I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
