i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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