i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
