i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
All I want is dick and wine.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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