We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
