I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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