o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
