Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Randomize
