I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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