Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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