I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
