I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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