he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
