Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
