He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
