I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
