Got a toothbrush?
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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