he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
