The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
FUCK WHALES
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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