I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
