remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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