Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
