yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
