I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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