Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
