So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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