So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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