masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
