grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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