Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
