Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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