maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I forgot wine drunk hurts
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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