even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
