He uses pillows to masturbate.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
