All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
