Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
