If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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