THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
