You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
