His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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