Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
