my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
