If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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