I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I puked a lego.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
