Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
