After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
