Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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