the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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