When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
