so that wasnt chicken after all
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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