I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
