is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
two words...techno handjob
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
