First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
